So I have been really really sick.
This year I have suffered very little to bugs and lurgies going around but I think due to the running around I was doing for the new job, and the wedding, and everything else, my body wasn't at its best so when this bug came knocking on the door my body had little to do but to welcome it in.
It came on early last week. I worked half days Monday and Tuesday then took a full day off Wednesday. I felt allot better Thursday, Friday and Saturday and thought I had kicked it to the curb.
Saturday night the bug came back for round 2 and knocked me for 6!
I lay in bed or on the couch all of Sunday. I could barely move...coughed...sneezed...shivered...sweated...the works!
I'm back at work today still not feeling very good but knowing I'd feel worse if I wasn't here - I'd feel guilty!
But I heed the lesson. I push and I push to it all comes crashing down.
Time to rest and integrate.
Lots of hot water, ginger, lemon and honey for me.
On a side note - have you ever noticed "Eaze-a-cold" tablets make you have garlic flavoured hick-ups! LOL! I like them because they are natural but I don't think people sitting near me like them, lol!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Let down on the biggest possible scale
Okay - so I am venting for my own sanity cause I can no longer sort through the pool of emotions swirling around and distinguish one from another. Its all a muddle but here is the story.
My man has a pretty up-there job with a rather large bakery chain.
My oldest friend from school and her man recently fled Sydney leaving behind jobs, possessions, for personal safety issues. We never really knew the whole story why...but I supported her.
Anyway...She is my oldest friend. We have had our ups and downs but generally we have been there for each other. I thought if I could help out I would.
My friend was also pregnant...and had the baby 3 weeks ago. Her concern was always that she wouldn't have enough money once the baby arrived.
About 6 months ago we offered to help out. My man said he would be able to organize a job for my friends man, driving a truck, delivering items to the stores in their local area that my man managed.
It was a risk for us to organize as the delivery run was already being done and so allot of things had to fall in place for it to happen - but if it happened the pay would be very good for them and they would only need to work about 4 hours a day each day. Something that a new family would be grateful for - lots of home time still.
6 months passed and finally the job was ready to start. My man and I had argued allot about this job due to my friend sending weekly sms' indicating how stressed she was, and wanted the job to begin, blah, blah.
Another driver, a good friend of ours, was sent up with the new truck to instruct my friend on how to go about filling the truck with stock, delivering to the stores etc. My man and I were relieved that finally it was all underway and my friend would soon be earning good money again.
After 3 days we get a sms saying they won't be doing it anymore. They refuse. No reason. No explanation. No-one answering our calls.
Meanwhile we have a delivery run 6 hours north that needs to be done but no driver. We can't get there in time and my friend refuses to take our calls.We both panic. I cry. I cry at the let down ,and for what my man is about to loose. Potentially his job.
To insure this job went ahead my man put his name to it risking his job. If anything came un-done he would be unemployed. We didn't mind doing it as they were in need and a long time friend.
S*&% had hit the fan in a big way so I got to work making phone calls...all from bed while I suffered heavily from the flu.
I managed to locate a casual driver in the area through an old family friend and he started right away. We assumed that my friends man would at least go with the new guy the first night to show him how it is done (as he was shown) but we were told all the new driver got was some swear words and a slammed door in his face. The new guy didn't care much but we were furious! Still we had not explanation as to why other then they didn't want too anymore.
The couple knew well before the job was in place that 1 weeks full notice had to be given if they were to quit....and....if they couldn't do the drive, they had to find someone who could - they failed on both of these and left us on a dead end.
My little brother is now moving across state to help rectify the situation. I now owe monster favors to quiet a few people I know in that area....and all because we tried to help a friend...who still refuses to answer calls or give any explanation. Now I know the family well...there has been no emergency....no deep family tragedy....the baby is fine....they are fine....so the only explanation we can come up is they got too used to not working and couldn't take doing a real job anymore.
But the plot thickens...
This same friend was to be one of my bridesmaids at my wedding in 8 weeks :(
Needless to say I have since released her of that duty but I am baffled as to how big of a let down and kick in the gutts we just got for trying to help a friend?!
In no way were they under any illusions as to what the job was...and really driving a truck between 3 stores is not a huge ask if that is all you have to do in day. I am just flabbergasted.
Anyway...I write this to vent and process my thoughts. I feel numb...probably somewhat from shock of the greatly unexpected....but maybe because if I feel too much it will open a flood gate of uncontrollable stuff. Make sense?
My man has a pretty up-there job with a rather large bakery chain.
My oldest friend from school and her man recently fled Sydney leaving behind jobs, possessions, for personal safety issues. We never really knew the whole story why...but I supported her.
Anyway...She is my oldest friend. We have had our ups and downs but generally we have been there for each other. I thought if I could help out I would.
My friend was also pregnant...and had the baby 3 weeks ago. Her concern was always that she wouldn't have enough money once the baby arrived.
About 6 months ago we offered to help out. My man said he would be able to organize a job for my friends man, driving a truck, delivering items to the stores in their local area that my man managed.
It was a risk for us to organize as the delivery run was already being done and so allot of things had to fall in place for it to happen - but if it happened the pay would be very good for them and they would only need to work about 4 hours a day each day. Something that a new family would be grateful for - lots of home time still.
6 months passed and finally the job was ready to start. My man and I had argued allot about this job due to my friend sending weekly sms' indicating how stressed she was, and wanted the job to begin, blah, blah.
Another driver, a good friend of ours, was sent up with the new truck to instruct my friend on how to go about filling the truck with stock, delivering to the stores etc. My man and I were relieved that finally it was all underway and my friend would soon be earning good money again.
After 3 days we get a sms saying they won't be doing it anymore. They refuse. No reason. No explanation. No-one answering our calls.
Meanwhile we have a delivery run 6 hours north that needs to be done but no driver. We can't get there in time and my friend refuses to take our calls.We both panic. I cry. I cry at the let down ,and for what my man is about to loose. Potentially his job.
To insure this job went ahead my man put his name to it risking his job. If anything came un-done he would be unemployed. We didn't mind doing it as they were in need and a long time friend.
S*&% had hit the fan in a big way so I got to work making phone calls...all from bed while I suffered heavily from the flu.
I managed to locate a casual driver in the area through an old family friend and he started right away. We assumed that my friends man would at least go with the new guy the first night to show him how it is done (as he was shown) but we were told all the new driver got was some swear words and a slammed door in his face. The new guy didn't care much but we were furious! Still we had not explanation as to why other then they didn't want too anymore.
The couple knew well before the job was in place that 1 weeks full notice had to be given if they were to quit....and....if they couldn't do the drive, they had to find someone who could - they failed on both of these and left us on a dead end.
My little brother is now moving across state to help rectify the situation. I now owe monster favors to quiet a few people I know in that area....and all because we tried to help a friend...who still refuses to answer calls or give any explanation. Now I know the family well...there has been no emergency....no deep family tragedy....the baby is fine....they are fine....so the only explanation we can come up is they got too used to not working and couldn't take doing a real job anymore.
But the plot thickens...
This same friend was to be one of my bridesmaids at my wedding in 8 weeks :(
Needless to say I have since released her of that duty but I am baffled as to how big of a let down and kick in the gutts we just got for trying to help a friend?!
In no way were they under any illusions as to what the job was...and really driving a truck between 3 stores is not a huge ask if that is all you have to do in day. I am just flabbergasted.
Anyway...I write this to vent and process my thoughts. I feel numb...probably somewhat from shock of the greatly unexpected....but maybe because if I feel too much it will open a flood gate of uncontrollable stuff. Make sense?
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Weekend Inspiration
Two great things came into my life this weekend.
The first was the arrival of a package of long anticipated books from amazon.com in the U.S. Included in this bundle was a book by the international bestseller "SARK" in which 3 whole pages had been dedicated to a friend of mine, Leonie Allan.
The other item that popped up during the weekend was the movie "Diving Bell and the Butterfly" which if I needed to sumarize in one word would be inspiring.
The cinematography was insanely clever and all delivered in such a way as you feel part of the mans mind. It is a truly touching story and worth checking out.
Both items, the book and movie, although completly different genre's are actually similar - they are both about overcoming obstacles to write. I walked away from the movie thinking "if he can manage to write a entire book one letter at a time, I can surely find time to write too" so I did. I trawled across pages and pages of my leather journal allowing my mind to empty through the pen. I realised how angry I was about a few things and explored that freely. I didn't filter. I swore. I vented. I slowly felt better.
I know I love to write but I often allow myself to fill my days so that I have no time nor privacy to write freely. This could so easily be changed in my life. This is something I will explore further.
The first was the arrival of a package of long anticipated books from amazon.com in the U.S. Included in this bundle was a book by the international bestseller "SARK" in which 3 whole pages had been dedicated to a friend of mine, Leonie Allan.
The other item that popped up during the weekend was the movie "Diving Bell and the Butterfly" which if I needed to sumarize in one word would be inspiring.
Based on the book of the same name, the movie documents one man as he comes to term with being in "locked-in-syndrome" which for us is basically full paralysis after a severe stroke. Thanks for the skill and patience of several nurses the man leans to communicate through a single eye by blinking for yes/no or letters of the alphabet. He then sets about writting a novel based on his experience of being trapped in his own body.
The cinematography was insanely clever and all delivered in such a way as you feel part of the mans mind. It is a truly touching story and worth checking out.
Both items, the book and movie, although completly different genre's are actually similar - they are both about overcoming obstacles to write. I walked away from the movie thinking "if he can manage to write a entire book one letter at a time, I can surely find time to write too" so I did. I trawled across pages and pages of my leather journal allowing my mind to empty through the pen. I realised how angry I was about a few things and explored that freely. I didn't filter. I swore. I vented. I slowly felt better.
I know I love to write but I often allow myself to fill my days so that I have no time nor privacy to write freely. This could so easily be changed in my life. This is something I will explore further.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
1 week of no red meat
Yep, it has been a week of no red meat and no chicken.
I'm still eating fish - its all about baby steps.
I also confessed to Ben yesterday (that's right, 6 days and he had not even noticed, lol) and he wasn't too happy about it. In Ben's mind being vegetarian for a girl is about weight loss rather then respect for the animals. I explained to him, and highlighted that he knows how I feel towards animals. I mean I cry during episodes of RSPCA for crying out loud! I explained it just didn't make sense for us to get so attached to our dog to the point that I was ready to black eye someone who corrected him with a check-chain, and then turn a blind eye on the things that happen in the meat production process.
He had not retort so I think I may of safely explained my reasons.
Of course it now means that every meal time he says "How about steak?" or some other red meat just to test me. Typical boy, lol!
I feel fine. I have come down with a cold but I don't think it is related. That is more to do with rushing around to job interviews outside work hours, riding in the rain across the city or in the bitter morning cold.
My sister experimented with going vego not long ago but ended up back on meat as it left her too ungrounded. That is why I have left fish in my diet for now. I want to make it gradual rather then a all or nothing approach and it seems to be working so far.
I've noticed I don't crave meat but I do crave the fullness feeling you get from meat, from the protein in meat. As a result I've increased the ammount of pasta and dairy I normally eat to achieve this. I ate no pasta before so the increase is just back to eating it. Dairy, I just eat cheese more then I used too to keep myself full. I need to look into other ways of getting my protein requirements.
The big test will come tonight when I have my training session. My personal trainer I see once a week and he works me pretty hard. If my body is not fueled properply I've got nothing and struggle through the whole session. If I am eating and drinking well then I handle it much better.
Yay to me for achieving 1 week!
I'm still eating fish - its all about baby steps.
I also confessed to Ben yesterday (that's right, 6 days and he had not even noticed, lol) and he wasn't too happy about it. In Ben's mind being vegetarian for a girl is about weight loss rather then respect for the animals. I explained to him, and highlighted that he knows how I feel towards animals. I mean I cry during episodes of RSPCA for crying out loud! I explained it just didn't make sense for us to get so attached to our dog to the point that I was ready to black eye someone who corrected him with a check-chain, and then turn a blind eye on the things that happen in the meat production process.
He had not retort so I think I may of safely explained my reasons.
Of course it now means that every meal time he says "How about steak?" or some other red meat just to test me. Typical boy, lol!
I feel fine. I have come down with a cold but I don't think it is related. That is more to do with rushing around to job interviews outside work hours, riding in the rain across the city or in the bitter morning cold.
My sister experimented with going vego not long ago but ended up back on meat as it left her too ungrounded. That is why I have left fish in my diet for now. I want to make it gradual rather then a all or nothing approach and it seems to be working so far.
I've noticed I don't crave meat but I do crave the fullness feeling you get from meat, from the protein in meat. As a result I've increased the ammount of pasta and dairy I normally eat to achieve this. I ate no pasta before so the increase is just back to eating it. Dairy, I just eat cheese more then I used too to keep myself full. I need to look into other ways of getting my protein requirements.
The big test will come tonight when I have my training session. My personal trainer I see once a week and he works me pretty hard. If my body is not fueled properply I've got nothing and struggle through the whole session. If I am eating and drinking well then I handle it much better.
Yay to me for achieving 1 week!
Monday, August 25, 2008
I am worthy!
Inspired by Suzi Blu
I am worthy
I am worthy of a great new job with new exciting and inspiring people and fabulous clients
I am worthy of a beautiful wedding filled with people I love
I am worthy of a sacred and memorable bachelorette weekend
I am worthy of close friends who I trust and cherish
I am worthy of love and deep passion
I am worthy of time and choosing to spend my time how I feel
I am worthy of safety, security and prosperity
I am worthy of abundance
I am worthy
I am worthy
I am worthy of a great new job with new exciting and inspiring people and fabulous clients
I am worthy of a beautiful wedding filled with people I love
I am worthy of a sacred and memorable bachelorette weekend
I am worthy of close friends who I trust and cherish
I am worthy of love and deep passion
I am worthy of time and choosing to spend my time how I feel
I am worthy of safety, security and prosperity
I am worthy of abundance
I am worthy
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Sister-hood
(Louisa, my sister, and me)
I have been contemplating friends recently....close friends....best buddies in fact...and where that sits in my life.
When I got engaged (almost 2 years ago...) I knew instantly that standing closest to me as I said my "I-do's," aside from my beloved, I wanted my little sister. We don't usually describe ourselves as close...because I don't really have a reference point for that...but in fact I think we are just that.
We live close together geographically...even co-habitat-ed for about 2 years.
We speak at least once a week...usually more like 2 or 3 times.
All family events we organise together.
We complain about our parents to each other...about our jobs or our love life.
Spiritually we are different but the same...often reading the same books or attending similar workshops.
Our lives often tend to run in a strange parrellel...for example...I began doing spiritual dance...without telling her she came across something similar and began doing it too....she changed jobs last month...I am looking to do the same this month...on and on it goes.
I love her dearly and do all that I can to see her glowing smile or hear her witchy cackle.
But what of sisters who are not biologically related? Those sisters who are friends....deep friends...who have seen you through thick and thin and more.
This area has always been hard for me to draw a ring around because my background was/is to move allot, often leaving close bonds behind and trying to forge new ones....only to move once again and so the cycle goes for me.
None of my close friends are local...they all live outside of Sydney....and this often means I feel a deep disconnection to my female friends...and deep lonliness.
But then I realised that if I wanted closer (both spiritually and geographically) friends I needed to be open to recieving them in my life....and/or.....creating them in my life.
I looked around at the women who I knew...there were allot....but if I looked for the ones I could say already had some areas of closeness...there were allot less. I could count them on one hand...perhaps even one finger.
Could it be though that what I wanted has been under my nose waiting for me to nuture it?
I decided to take a positive step forward and confide in one of my not-so-close-friends a deep secret that I had held tight and sat between me and her like a void...I decided to take a step in bringing this woman...ever so slowly...closer into my life.
It seemed to have worked and now I sit feeling warm and smiling on the inside.
Baby steps. I'm all about baby steps this month.
Baby steps...to the "V" word
After re-reading "Quantum Wellness" plus watching the interviews with Kathy on Oprah to say I was motivated was an understatement. I wanted to purge meat from life once and for all but I also knew I needed to be realistic about it.
My first obstacle would be MM (my mere male) as he is the biggest carnivore that I know. He see's vegetarian eating in a negative light.
2nd obstacle was my rather poor eating habits. Now I don't eat much "junk" food but I do eat out allot and in Granville that is meat, meat and more meat.
Taking Kathy's advice I decided not to jump in the deep end but to wade in the middle of the pool...so I opted to cut out read meat and chicken (chicken is the easiest to give up as I always felt kind of yuk eating it anyway). Whenever I ordered a sambo from the shop I got salad, or tuna. It felt good to know that I was contributing to helping the animals in a small way.
The biggest test came Saturday night as I had dinner with some girlfriends, Lisa and Guy.
Guy is a vegetarian anyway, but Lisa is all carnivore. This was the first restaurant meal under my own new rules and I am proud to admit I stuck to my guns.
I didn't even read what was in the meat dishes or what they were...I skimmed the menu looking for vego or fish meals and opted for the fish meals.
During dinner the topic of being a vegetarian came up in regards to people who say vego but then eat white meat, or some red meats, etc. This was my chance to voice my new life style.
"I don't say I'm vegetarian but I don't eat red meat or chicken - so I guess I am veg-aquarium, ha, ha."
The girls laughed and thought nothing of it. I sat smiling proud of my statement. Proud I had taken action.
In regards to the MM he has yet to notice. We all know men are far from observant. Last night even as I cooked him a meat pie and vegies but made myself some fish, he did not say a word. I will need to face up to it at some point but for now, its all baby steps.
Check out this beautiful piece of writing by Jeff on being a vegan.
My first obstacle would be MM (my mere male) as he is the biggest carnivore that I know. He see's vegetarian eating in a negative light.
2nd obstacle was my rather poor eating habits. Now I don't eat much "junk" food but I do eat out allot and in Granville that is meat, meat and more meat.
Taking Kathy's advice I decided not to jump in the deep end but to wade in the middle of the pool...so I opted to cut out read meat and chicken (chicken is the easiest to give up as I always felt kind of yuk eating it anyway). Whenever I ordered a sambo from the shop I got salad, or tuna. It felt good to know that I was contributing to helping the animals in a small way.
The biggest test came Saturday night as I had dinner with some girlfriends, Lisa and Guy.
Guy is a vegetarian anyway, but Lisa is all carnivore. This was the first restaurant meal under my own new rules and I am proud to admit I stuck to my guns.
I didn't even read what was in the meat dishes or what they were...I skimmed the menu looking for vego or fish meals and opted for the fish meals.
During dinner the topic of being a vegetarian came up in regards to people who say vego but then eat white meat, or some red meats, etc. This was my chance to voice my new life style.
"I don't say I'm vegetarian but I don't eat red meat or chicken - so I guess I am veg-aquarium, ha, ha."
The girls laughed and thought nothing of it. I sat smiling proud of my statement. Proud I had taken action.
In regards to the MM he has yet to notice. We all know men are far from observant. Last night even as I cooked him a meat pie and vegies but made myself some fish, he did not say a word. I will need to face up to it at some point but for now, its all baby steps.
Check out this beautiful piece of writing by Jeff on being a vegan.
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